Funny Akatsuki Short Stories
by tchb
Summary: well, okay, this is some funny short stories i though up, when i was bored, or dreaming in my sleep.
1. People are trying to sleep!

Okay, well, I dreamt this up, I hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I own Raven and Amari.

It was late at night in the Akatsuki base, and some people were trying t o go to sleep. In mine, and Amari's room we could hear Deidara and Sasori bickering about art. " Will they ever shut up?" I asked. Amari shrugged. I went to go see if the other members were going to do anything about it. I first went into Itachi and Kisame's room. " Hey, guys, is anybody going to ask Bomber Britney and Chucky to stop bickering?" I asked. My brother, just looked at me. Kisame, said, " I hope, but not me. Last time, when we sent Tobi, he got hurt. You don't want to mess with them when they are talking about their art." I sighed and nodded. I went to go to Hidan and Kakuzu. "What is it bitch?!" Hidan yelled. " You pissed at Deidara and Sasori?" I asked. Hidan nodded. Kakuzu came out of the bathroom. " I am about to rip there tongues out of their mouths." the stitch ninja complained. I agreed and went to go talk to Tobi and Zeztsu. "Raven-sempai, you cant go in there!" Tobi whined. "But, if I don't, then they will never shut up, and I am a strong ninja." I said to Tobi. "She has a point." Zeztsu sides agreed. Everybody was in Tobi's room now. " What are you going to do?" Itachi asked. " Just watch, Amari, I need you for this." I told everybody. I quickly explained the plain to my friend and then I knocked on the two artist door.

"What?!" Sasori asked. Deidara was by his side. I faked up some tears. "You, t-two, sniff, w-won't let me sleep!" I said through tears. Sasori and Deidara were shocked at my crying. " Oh, no, don't cry!" Sasori said. I cried even harder. Amari walked past, " Great, chucky, now you and Britney mad her cry, way to go." She said. Sasori and Deidara felt guilty for making me "cry", so they pulled me into their room. I stopped crying. " Good, you stopped crying." Deidara said. " Just enough to do this!" I said and tackled him. I was punching him in the face. " Danna! Help, Rabid Raven!" He yelled. "That is for bickering about freaking art, and keeping us all awake!" I yelled. Then I felt a little pain in my arm, and I passed out.

"Is she okay?" I heard some one asked. " I think, I used something just to knock her out." Another voice said. My head was pounding, but yet, I didn't get drunk. I opened my eyes and saw Sasori starring at me. " that's not a pretty sight to wake up to in the morning." I mumbled. " Are you calling me ugly?" Sasori said. " Very, ugly." I said. I snuggled back into my covers deeper and started to fall asleep again. " Oh, no you don't, un, get up." Deidara said. I moaned and closed my eyes tighter. " Tobi! We need you!" Deidara yelled. "Owe, shut it , I have a headache." I said. " Sorry, that would be the poison's side effect." Sasori said. I shot up. " You poisoned me?!" I yelled. " It was just a knock out one, you aren't going to die!" Sasori said. I felt a little relaxed, knowing that I wasn't going to die. " I cant remember what happened last night." I said. " Well, you attacked Deidara, and I knocked you out." Sasori said. I nodded. Kisame walked in, " I told you so." He said and walked out, leaving me confused.

Well, yeah, this is one of my crazy dreams I had and I had to type it up. This is my first Fanfic, so be nice. R&R is nice!


	2. Itachi and Scary Movies

Well, thanks to my friend, I have a new chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't not own Naruto, but own Raven, and Amari.

Raven, Amari, Hidan, Deidara, and Sasori were watching "Dracula" one day. When Itachi walked by. " Ahh! Scary movie! Scary movie!" Itachi screamed. Every body, looked at him like he has been smoking something. " What is wrong with your brother?" Amari asked. " He looks like a god damn pansy!" Hidan said. " He had a bad experience when he was a little lad, me and my dad would watch scary movies, and one night he wanted to watch Dracula , and we let him. That is the first and last scary movie he will ever see." Raven said. Itachi had recovered from his attack, and left. Then Deidara had a wicked idea. " What if we scare him tonight? With Dracula?" Deidara asked. "Yeah, not a fucking bad idea." Hidan said. " Well, how are we going to do it?" Amari asked. " With one of Sasori''s puppets and Hidan's blood." Deidara said. " I can make sound effects." Raven said. They all agreed and got the stuff ready to scare Itachi.

Later that night. Kisame was out, and Itachi was in bed, reading a book. He heard thunder rumble and then a blood curling scream. Itachi got out of bed and walked out into the hall. It was quiet. Itachi walked into the living room. There was blood and a body, Raven's body! Itachi started to freak out. Then the lights went out and it was dark. "H-hello? Any body here?" He asked. There was a evil laugh. Itachi was freaking out, that he thought that he has pissed himself. " I'm w-warning you, come out, or else." He whimpered. Itachi heard foot steps behind him. He turned around, to see Raven behind him. " Y-you're….!" Itachi couldn't speak. " I am here to damn you to hell!" Raven yelled. Itachi yelled out a girly shriek. He turned to run, but Dracula was in front of him. " Itachi Uchiha, I have come for you!" Dracula said. "No! No! I have been good, all year! You cant kill me! I am to young to die!" Itachi wailed. Dracula said, " I want to drink your blood!" Itachi screamed, and started to hyperventilate. Raven grabbed him and held him still. " Raven. Raven, it's me your brother! I love you! Help me! Help me!" Itachi yelled out. He closed his eyes and spoke through tears, " I know we hate each other, and I killed the clan, and you and Sasuke want to kill me, but remember the good times? I will never forget those." He broke down crying. It was quiet for a few moments, then Dracula broke it. " Okay, now back to where we were! Itachi Uchiha, I have come to drink your blood!" Dracula said. He bit Itachi and Itachi screamed like a school girl. Itachi was rolling around on the floor. Hysteria had gotten to him. Then the lights turned on, and laughter broke out. Itachi stopped rolling on the floor, and sat up. He saw the whole Akatsuki was there. " Wow, Itachi, that was sooo funny!" Kisame said through a laugh. " Look, this was a joke, we got you!" Raven said. "W-What? A joke?!" Itachi yelled. " Yeah, thanks to Sasori, Deidara, Amari, Hidan , and I we were able to pull this off. The rest of the gang knew about it, except you." Raven explained. Itachi was really embarrassed. Itachi retreated to his and Kisame's room. He knew he would never sleep for a week, maybe even more.


	3. Author Note

Author note:

I am sorry, but I cant think, so I wont be updating for a couple of days. I hope to get back to this soon. If you have any ideas or comments, check out my profile and email me. Sorry again. R&R is nice.


	4. Killing 101 w the Akatsuki

Chap 4- Killing 101 with the Akatsuki. 

Well, this is the fourth chap. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I own Raven and Amari. 

The gang was in the living room, doing nothing. Tobi spoke, " Can we play a game? I am so bored." 

"That sounds like fun, but what?" Deidara asked. 

" I don't know, or I don't care." Amari said. 

"How, 'bout, well we say what is the best way to kill somebody! I'll explain, it is a game I use to play when I was training with Orochimaru. I would say like, torture them with Sharigan, and then cut off there blood supply, then make there organs stop working; leaving the heart for last, but if they don't die, then slowly make them die of blood loss." Raven told the group. 

They all stared in shock. " I didn't know you could be that mean." Sasori said. 

Raven beamed a smile at the group. "Amari, your turn." She said. 

Amari sighed, " Make them loose their confidence, then scare them half to death, then strike. Slowly rip out their organs, and leave them to the vultures." Amari said. 

" Eh, that is okay, next." Raven said. 

"I'll go!" Hidan said. " First, curse the person, then make the person attack me, but their attack ricochet's onto them. Then, stab the non-vitals, then stab the chest, and leave, all in the name of Jashin." Hidan said. 

Raven nodded. Kisame was next, " Well, shred 'em, and rip out their organs." Raven nodded.

Itachi was next, " Well, I guess, use Sharigan, and stab them, and let them die." 

"Awe, 'Tachi, that wasn't fun at all." Raven whined. 

Deidara was next, " Well, put my C2 in their chakra and blood stream and organs, then blow them up slowly, and painfully, un." 

"Nice," Raven said. She looked at Kakuzu. 

"Rip out their organs, saving their heart for last." He said.

"Short, but painful." Raven stated. 

Zetsu was next. "Eat." both sides said. 

"Hn, 'Kay." Raven said dully. 

"Well, Tobi, your turn, make this interesting, and good." Raven said. 

Tobi nodded. " Well, first use a jutsu, make them loose their mind, then use kunai, and stab them to death." Tobi said in a happy tone. 

"Akasuna, make me proud." Raven said. "Poison, a kind that is slow working, then rip out their organs and make them into a puppet." He said. 

Raven shrugged. 

"That was fun, now what?" Tobi asked. 

Nobody answered. 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own Raven and Amari. A/N: This is a flashback of when Itachi, Raven, and Amari were still at Konoha, enjoy. Raven raced through the trees to get away from her pursuers. She cursed her luck as she fell from her tree she was going to land on. " Uchiha, get back here with my book!" A voice that belonged to Hatake Kakashi. Yes, Raven had stolen the famous orange porn book of Kakashi, as a dare of course. As the fake sharingan wielder came upon the Uchiha, Itachi burst from the trees and rescued his older sister. " Hatake, why are you trying to hurt my sister? It's just a book, go buy another one," he said calmly. Kakashi glared at the young boy. " It is not just a book!" " Yeah, it's a piece of trash, Kashi!" Amari joined in on the action, teasing the jounin. Said ninja flushed and then cursed. Kakashi was so busy cursing up a storm, he did not noticed the three people running away. " Dammit! Come Come Paradise!" Till this day Hatake Kakashi still has never gotten his book back. Raven finished her story telling to the rest of the Akatsuki organization. She held a orange book in her hand. " Wow, and you survived all those years being on the same team as him?" Raven nodded. " So how was the story?" Kisame asked. It was quiet for a moment and then a voice spoke. " It was... interesting," The person who said it was Itachi. " Itachi is a pervert!" Tobi yelled. Who knew the stock Uchiha had a secret side to him, a very dirty secret side!


	6. Deadly Plant Fertilizer

Tobi walked into the Akatsuki hide out carrying a big bag.

"Tobi, what the hell are you doing with a that bag, un?" Deidara asked. The masked ninja didn't answer but only kept walking. Being curious like all blondes are, Deidara followed. The two passed Kisame and Itachi in the kitchen. They stopped talking about what types of fish were good to eat and looked at Tobi.

"Do I even want to know, Tobi?" Itachi asked. Again the masked man didn't answer. Soon every member of the Akatsuki was following the hyper masked ninja.

" Tobi you $% retarded! What the $% are you doing with that bag?" Hidan cursed.

"It's probably a pointless thing he wants to do," Itachi said calmly.

"Oh my gosh, what if Tobi is trying to hide something from us? And he has a bag to put whatever he is hiding?" Raven asked worriedly.

"You think he's trying to get ride of something secret? Like what?" Sasori said.

" His personal selection of candy? Or something more horrible?" Amari said.

"Like he's actually Orochimaru in disguise and he's been taking something from us when we've been asleep?" Raven now had lost it. Everyone was silent and looking at the girl.

" What $% are you talking about?" Hidan yelled. " He's probably collecting dust for his dust bunny collection!" Raven snorted and rolled her eyes. The group hade come to Zeztsu's room and stopped dead in their tracks.

" Zeztsu, I've gotten your fertilizer you needed!" Tobi said from inside the room.


End file.
